School Is Not Built for This

When the Bell Rings, the Battle Begins

There’s a fantasy version of school we’re sold as parents. A place where children are nurtured, supported, and taught how to fly. Where individual needs are met with understanding, and SENCOs sweep in with a plan and a smile, and teachers say, “Don’t worry, we’ve got this.”

Now… breathe that dream out.

For many neurodivergent learners, school isn’t a launch‑pad; it’s a daily negotiation. Advocacy in a blazer. Holding your breath from 9:00 to 3:30 and hoping your child makes it through the day without breaking.

Intent (for everyone): Co‑production. Families, schools, and LAs solving problems together so education fits.

The Masking Game (why “He’s fine at school” isn’t the full picture)

Masking is the Oscar‑level performance many pupils keep up all day: polite, compliant, smiling,  then collapse at home. The yoghurt pot (not flavour) triggers tears not because children are “spoilt,” but because six hours of acting typical empties the tank.

Case Study: Theo (composite, details changed)

At school: model pupil. At home: under the dining table, mute, later a storm over the wrong pot. That’s not a tantrum; that’s sensory and emotional exhaustion.

What helped (school + LA)

• Predictable routines; visual signposting of change.

• Pre‑agreed regulation exits that activate immediately.

• Quiet lunch option and low‑demand recovery points.

• De‑escalation language: “when you’re ready…” not “now”.

• Measure recovery time/access, not only ‘minutes in seat’.

The EHCP: Less Escape Room, More Roadmap

Yes, the process can feel… labyrinthine. Families gather evidence, wait, appeal, and wait again. But the EHCP is also a lawful tool that, when specific and quantified, unlocks provision that works.

Shared footing (parents & professionals)

• Statutory frame: Children & Families Act 2014; SEND Code of Practice (0–25).

• Clarity matters: “20 minutes daily 1:1 for X” beats “access to help as needed.”

• Implementation is the point: annual reviews must update provision to the child now.

• Keep meetings on one question: What’s the barrier and what removes it?

Case Study: Carla’s Binder (composite)

Two years of “He’s accessing the curriculum” → Year 5 data drop → sudden panic. Carla arrives with a ring‑binder, timelines, and parental views that describe function, not just feelings.

What helped

• Outcomes framed in plain language + measurable steps.

• Evidence mapped to classroom impact, not labels alone.

• Requests naming frequency, duration, and responsible adult.

• Calm escalation; early mediation so support starts before appeals.

Mainstream… But Only Just

Some pupils manage mainstream with the right scaffolding: a trained 1:1, sensory‑safe spaces, flexible starts, and emotion cards that actually trigger the plan.

Case Study: The Emotion Fan

Pupil flashes “Overwhelmed” in a maths test; response is “Not now.”

What helped

• Micro‑procedure: fan shown → 3‑minute corridor walk with TA → return plan.

• Assessment access arrangements captured and used.

• Teacher prompt card to reduce verbal load during tests.

Case Study: The Selective Mute Exit

Exit allowed “if you ask first.” He can’t.

What helped

• Non‑verbal signal (card on desk) = automatic exit; zero verbal demand.

• Adult check‑in outside the social spotlight.

• Goal measured as speed of regulation and successful return, not ‘bravery points’.

Reasonable adjustments aren’t exceptions; they’re how equality is delivered.

EOTAS: Learning That Actually Fits (and why it’s not giving up)

Some children try,  just not in school buildings. They’re on EOTAS (Education Otherwise Than At School), a lawful route where the duty to arrange suitable education still applies.

What good EOTAS looks like

• Daily check‑in first, curriculum second: regulate → relate → reason.

• Interest‑led planning: child suggestions steer; adults map to objectives.

• Stealth curriculum: reading in recipes; maths in Lego budgets; science in pond‑dipping.

• Success loops: short challenge → quick win → co‑regulated break.

• Progress that makes sense: confidence, regulation baselines, functional skills and academics.

Case Study: Daniel’s Pupil Voice

Daniel is non‑verbal and non‑writing; the LA needs a ‘pupil voice’ form. He draws a triangle, then tries to eat the paper.

What helped

• Photo evidence (sensory swing, cooking) with short captions co‑produced with parent.

• Outcomes written in behaviour terms (chooses from two options; tolerates 5‑min change).

• Termly review points with visual progress snapshots.

The Children Who Can’t Go (yet)

Some pupils tried school and fell apart: stopped eating, sleeping, speaking; hid in cupboards; vomited at the gate. Families tried everything. Then they listened and stepped away to survive.

Case Study: “Not School Refusal - Survival”

Framed as EBSA: can’t yet, not won’t.

What helped

• GP letter and school agreement to reset expectations without threat.

• Low‑demand re‑engagement via EOTAS; one weekly low‑stakes peer activity.

• Plan reviewed for possible hybrid return if and when safe.

The Teachers Who Try… and the Systems That Don’t (yet)

There are brilliant teachers doing back‑flips in crowded rooms. They adapt, advocate, and cry in car parks because resource meets reality.

Case Study: The Ofsted Panic Referral

Silence for years; referral blitz two weeks before inspection.

What helped

• Leaders adopt a rolling identification cycle (not ‘inspection season’).

• LA link EP triage for timely observations and advice.

• 90‑minute CPD on sensory processing and demand reduction.

• Shared dashboard that tracks access and recovery, not just attainment.

Case Study: The Meeting That Forgot the Parent

Annual review begins without the parent present.

What helped

• Chairing protocol: no meeting without the family.

• Agenda sent in advance; outcomes co‑written and SMART.

• Minutes issued within 10 working days with clear actions.

And Still, They Try

Some try in classrooms with itchy collars and bright lights; others try in living rooms, parks, and libraries on EOTAS packages that actually fit. They try because adults meet them where they are today, not where a timetable says they should be. They help choose the activity - bake brownies, build a track, film a nature vlog - and we thread the curriculum through it so learning lands without alarm bells.

Then they come home and unravel if they need to. We meet them there, with the right toast, the right silence, the right acceptance.

School might not be built for them. But home is. And education can be.

Two Small Sidebars Everyone Can Live With

For Parents: Six Moves This Week

1) Daily log: what helped / what hurt / what worked.2) One specific email ask (e.g., “When ‘Overwhelmed’ is shown, please action the exit plan immediately.”).3) Two micro‑quotes for next meeting (one success, one barrier).4) Draft three SMART outcomes you’d like.5) Keep a tidy evidence folder.6) For EHCNA/EHCP, list provision that already works (be concrete).

For Schools & LAs: Quick Wins That Cost ~£0

• Pre‑teach change (fire drills, timetable shifts).• Choice of output (voice note, diagram, typed, scribe).• Ask‑don’t‑tell language; extra processing time.• Visible “Where I can go” map with three regulation spots.• Include regulation goals on the plan — and measure them.

FAQs (the honest versions)

Q: Isn’t this lowering standards?

A: No. It’s changing the route. A dysregulated nervous system can’t access algebra; regulation is the on‑ramp.

Q: Is EOTAS avoiding school?

A: EOTAS is a lawful route to suitable education. For some it’s a bridge back; for others it’s the right setting. Outcomes and reviews keep it accountable.

Q: Why should ‘Overwhelmed’ mean leaving the room?

A: Because “sit still and cope” isn’t regulation. Short exits now prevent long exclusions later.

Glossary (plain English)

EHCP — legal plan of needs, outcomes, and specified/quantified provision.EHCNA — the assessment that decides if an EHCP is needed.EOTAS — Education Otherwise Than At School.Masking — camouflaging traits to fit in; often linked to anxiety/burnout.EBSA — emotionally based school avoidance: address the need, not punish the behaviour.

Author’s Note

This blog incorporates an adapted excerpt from an upcoming manuscript by our Director R. Brown, blending case studies, professional insight, and practical tools for families, schools, and local authorities. The full work will be released through NeuroInclusive Education and featured on www.neuroed.org. All names and details are changed; composites are used with consent to protect privacy.